Borrowing Hope
For those exhausted from living in survival mode
Survival mode sneaks into our life in a subtle way. We can be strong, capable, high functioning, and still be living in survival mode. We tend to praise people for their strength and for pushing through, but we rarely think about what it’s costing them.
In a recent conversation, a friend asked me what positive things I’ve noticed while living on the other side of PTSD.
It was a thought provoking question that kind of stopped me in my tracks. PTSD was absolute hell to live with. There were times when simply getting through the day felt like more than I could handle. There were times when I believed I would feel broken forever. And times where I thought I might not survive.
From where I am standing now, I can say that there is an amazing depth of beauty on the other side that I could not have imagined when I was in the middle of it.
But before the light, there was darkness. There was denial. There was survival. There was dysregulation, and exhaustion.
Today I want to speak to those who may be at the beginning of this journey, those who feel like they are in the thick of it, and those who are just trying to make it through each day.
If you are reading this and you are struggling, this is for you…
Not for the future version of you who will feel strong again one day. But for the version who is holding the masks of strength and positivity in place because it feels safer than letting anyone see the truth behind them.
This is for those who are exhausted right now. Those who are deeply hurting and doing their best to survive…
If your nervous system feels constantly activated or on high alert.
If you sense danger everywhere and your body seems to brace for it even when there is no threat present.
If sleep feels unsafe.
If leaving the house feels overwhelming.
If you are tired of pretending you are okay when you’re not…
I see you.
Living in survival mode does not mean you are broken or weak. It means your body has learned that vigilance is necessary.
When we live through prolonged stress, trauma, or work in environments where we are constantly exposed to danger, our nervous system learns to adapt. It learns to scan for danger everywhere. It learns to stay on high alert, and it learns to expect the worst. That response is not a character flaw. It’s a protective strategy, and your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do when it believes your safety is at risk.
The problem is not that your system responds. The problem is that it has not yet learned that the danger has passed. It has not learned what safety feels like.
“As every therapist will tell you, healing involves discomfort. But so is refusing to heal. And over time, refusing to heal is always more painful.”
— Resmaa Menakem
Protection
If you notice feelings of denial, numbness, or a sense of disconnection, that is not a flaw either. Denial is another layer of protection.
Sometimes the mind and body protect us by limiting how much we can feel at once, because seeing the full weight of everything all at once could be overwhelming. The mind reveals things in pieces for a reason. And sometimes we don’t even see how much we were actually hurting until we have made some progress and look back.
If you are clinging to a life, a career, a relationship, or an identity that is breaking you down, I understand how complex that can be. Letting go can be extremely difficult, and may feel like losing a big part of who you are. It can feel like defeat, and it can feel like weakness.
But sometimes, what feels like loss is actually the beginning of coming home to yourself by discovering who you truly are underneath the layers built for protection.
Sometimes letting go of what is familiar is what creates the space for something more aligned and healthy.
No Timeline on Healing
If you’re struggling, exhausted, or feeling heavy, just know that you do not need to have everything figured out right now.
You don’t need to put a timeline on your healing. You don’t need to think about, or rush toward the future. And you never need to force yourself into positivity to make other people comfortable.
If all you can do today is breathe and get through the day, or next hour, that is enough.
Healing does not happen in big leaps or breakthroughs. More often, it happens in small, subtle shifts. It happens when your nervous system experiences even a few seconds of safety. It happens when you’re able to tell one safe person even a small piece of the truth. And it happens when you notice your inner critic, but instead of listening to its harsh judgments, choosing to offer yourself some compassion instead.
These seemingly small moments are important because they accumulate.
You Are Not Broken
I know it can feel as though you are broken beyond repair. It can feel as though you are empty, and a hollow shell of who you once were. I understand the longing to feel like your old self, or having things go back to “normal.”
The inner critic can be loud, relentless, and convincing. Hope can feel distant, impossible, or even naive. If that’s where you’re at, I want to gently offer this perspective:
The fact that you are still here matters. The fact that you are searching, reading, questioning, and wondering if there is something more than this darkness means something.
You do not have to rush your healing. In fact, trying to force it can keep the system overwhelmed. Your healing will happen at the pace your nervous system can tolerate. There is no one size fits all timeline. You are not behind, and you are not failing some invisible race.
If you cannot see hope right now, you are allowed to borrow someone else’s for a while.
Stay
There is a version of you that is not only surviving, but living and thriving. A version of you whose nervous system has experienced enough safety to no longer be constantly activated, and knows what peace feels like. A version of you who can look back and say, I made it through something that once felt impossible.
You do not need to fully believe in that version yet. You only need to stay.
Stay for one more day.
Stay curious about what healing could look like, and where it will lead you.
Stay open to the possibility that this chapter is not the end of your story.
Stay open to this being the beginning of something new and beautiful.
Survival mode kept you alive. It was adaptive, protective, and helpful in its own way. But you deserve so much more than just survival. You deserve moments of ease, and the feeling of safety. You deserve connections that feel safe, steady and grounded. And you deserve a life that is not organized entirely around avoiding harm.
The Collective Impact of Healing
If you are walking this path right now, please know that your healing matters more than you realize. Every layer you unravel and process, every truth you speak, every moment you choose self-compassion over self-judgment has ripple effects. Healing is deeply personal, and it is also relational.
The courage to face your deepest fears and wounds does not only change you. It shifts the energy you bring to the spaces you walk into, the relationships you have, and the world we are collectively shaping.
Because when one of us heals, we all rise.
This is why I share these reflections in The Collective Healing Project. This space is for honest conversations about trauma, nervous system healing, and what can become possible on the other side.
Are You Living in Survival Mode?
Getting honest with ourselves is not always easy. And sometimes the hardest part of healing is admitting that what we are feeling is more than just a normal amount of stress. The following are some signs you may be living in survival mode:
Your body feels tense, or always on edge even when nothing is happening.
You are quick to anger or shut down.
You often feel stressed out or anxious.
You struggle to control your moods and reactions to things.
You have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.
You feel detached or distant from people.
You have trouble with focus or concentration.
You feel numb, or flat to things that once mattered.
You replay events or incidents in your head.
You use alcohol, or other unhealthy habits and distractions to help you shut off the thoughts you don’t want to have.
You suffer from chronic pain such as neck pain, back pain, migraines, nerve or joint pain.
This reflection is not meant for judgement. It is simply for awareness, because awareness is the first step in any journey.
If you’ve been looking for a community that understands the healing journey, I invite you to join us here. You do not have to walk this path alone. And if you feel called to share your thoughts, experiences or stories, I encourage you to do so in the comments or the chat👇
As always, I’m so grateful to have you here, walking alongside me on this healing journey. If this post resonated, clicking the little heart below helps others in our Collective find it too. And if you feel called to support my work further, a coffee is always appreciated 🙏💖👇
Thank you!!!!!!
Thank you for your words🩵