Seeing the World Through Wounded Eyes

How Our Unhealed Wounds Shape Our Reality

We don’t see the world as it is. We see it as we are.

This truth hit me hard once I was far enough along on my healing journey to realize just how deeply my unhealed wounds had been shaping the way I viewed life. It was uncomfortable, humbling, and at times it was extremely difficult to acknowledge.

But it was also the beginning of real, meaningful change.

The wounds we carry are not our fault. The things that happened to us, such as abuse, neglect, heartbreak, betrayal, and trauma were never something we deserved. But how we respond to those wounds is our responsibility. And when we go through life unconsciously viewing everything through the lens of our unhealed pain, life becomes a struggle.

It feels hard because it is hard.

It feels like no one understands us because we may not even understand ourselves.

It feels like the world is unsafe because, deep down, we don’t feel safe in it.

Unconscious Mirrors

When we haven’t healed, we tend to move through life in survival mode. Our nervous system is on high alert, scanning every situation for danger whether it’s there or not. And that could mean physical danger, or the danger of letting our guard down and letting someone see behind the walls we’ve constructed to feel safe.

Our unhealed wounds may lead us to become overly critical or judgmental, and not because we’re “bad” people, but because that’s how the wounded self tries to protect itself.

It becomes easier to find fault in others than to face our own truth.

So we project.

We criticize.

We assume others are wrong and we are right.

But the truth is, we’re often reacting to a reflection. A reflection in an unconscious mirror that shows us the parts of us that still need love and attention. The people who activate our wounded selves act as these mirrors, reflecting our wounds back to us.

This shows up in every kind of relationship, but can be especially noticeable in the romantic ones. We all bring our baggage with us. And if we’re not aware of it, that baggage becomes the third wheel in every partnership. Many arguments aren’t even really about what’s happening in the present moment.. They may start that way, but then it turns into the wounded parts of two people battling it out, desperate to be seen, heard, and validated.

"Awareness is the first step in healing."

- Dean Ornish

Awareness is the First Step

The moment we realize we are wounded is the moment everything begins to shift.

It’s not easy. In fact, it can be really hard and quite shocking to look at ourselves and see all the unhealthy patterns we’ve been repeating. It forces us to stop blaming others and start taking radical responsibility for our own lives. And yes, that’s hard to do and it's humbling. But it’s also where the healing begins.

Awareness is the first step to any meaningful change. From there, we can start tracing our patterns back to their root. That’s where the a-ha moments can be found. That’s when we begin to realize things like:

“Oh! That’s why I keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners.”

“Oh! That’s why I shut down every time someone gets too close.”

“Oh! That’s why I need constant external validation to feel worthy.”

Once we’re able to reach this awareness, we can finally begin the real work of healing.

The Mirror Can Feel Harsh

There’s a harsh truth to all of this. People will continue to reflect our wounds back to us until we heal them. And that’s not punishment.

It’s energetic alignment.

We attract what matches our internal frequency. If we’re living in fear, shame, anger, or self-loathing, we will inevitably draw in experiences that mirror those emotions back to us.

Our outer world is a reflection of what’s happening in our inner world.

"Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside of you is only a reflection of the world inside you"

- Shams-i Tabriz

This can feel like a cruel cycle that leaves us wondering what we did to constantly deserve the same cards we keep getting dealt. But in reality, it’s simply our higher self trying to wake us up.

When I began noticing my own patterns, it was extremely uncomfortable. But it was also the start of the most important work I’ve ever done. This is where shadow work comes in. Sitting with the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned or hidden, and instead of judging them, we bring compassion. We listen. We offer love to the parts of us that never got it.

I used to shame myself for my wounds. I thought if I shamed them enough, they’d disappear. But healing doesn’t work like that. You can’t shame yourself into change. You can only love yourself there.

That’s what true healing is all about.

Self-awareness

Self-compassion

Self-love

A New Way of Seeing

Once we start doing this work, we begin to see everything differently. We realize the way someone treats us has very little to do with us and everything to do with their unhealed wounds.

We stop taking things so personally.

We notice when things activate us in real time and give ourselves the space to respond, not react.

We stop living in survival mode and start creating a life where we can thrive.

And most importantly, we stop looking outside of ourselves for love, validation, and worth. We finally begin to feel whole and realize that we’ve always been worthy exactly as we are.

It All Begins Energetically

Healing doesn’t start in the mind, it begins in our energy. That’s why we attract the same patterns again and again. Our higher self is trying to get us to notice the energetic imprint, or unprocessed emotions we carry.

Once we begin to raise our vibration through practices like meditation, breathwork, movement, stillness, connection, spending time in nature, or simply self-reflection, we start to notice these patterns faster. And that makes them easier to change.

When we start to raise our vibration, we begin to heal.

When we heal, our energy completely changes.

When our energy changes, our experiences change.

And when our experiences change, our life changes.

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."

- Rumi

It’s All Worth It

This week I felt called to write about this. I’m no expert on the subject, I’m simply someone who’s been in the deep trenches of healing. I’ve been the wounded self, afraid of the world, criticizing others, living in a constant state of survival. I’ve unknowingly sabotaged good things and blamed others for the hurt I didn’t yet know how to hold.

But now, I see clearly.

And once we see the patterns, we can’t unsee them. And we wouldn’t want to. Because the freedom that comes from breaking those patterns is where the magic lives.

Healing isn’t easy. But it’s worth every uncomfortable, heart wrenching moment. Because the other side of it is peace, clarity, love, and freedom.

And we deserve all of that, and more.

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