Running Away or Moving Forward?

Leaving isn’t always about escaping. Sometimes it’s the next step on the healing journey

Sometimes we think we need a fresh start when what we really need is healing. And after doing some inner work, we may realize the environment we’re in is no longer where our growth can continue. There is a difference between running away and moving towards a more healthy, and aligned life. And it’s important to understand that difference.

Photo taken by me somewhere in the Okanagan Valley

We cannot outrun our emotions. Even when we think we’ve found the perfect escape, everything we’ve been running from and suppressing doesn’t simply disappear. It sits in our nervous system and patiently waits for us to notice and acknowledge it so we can finally begin to heal it.

And once we understand and accept the answers will never be found in anything external, everything begins to change.

Which brings me to something I’ve been reflecting on lately…

Sometimes we may think that the solution to our suffering is to move away and start over somewhere new. It’s natural to feel that might be the answer, but until we get real about what’s causing our suffering and begin to address it, our suffering goes wherever we go.

I left my previous life behind almost ten months ago, and I can’t believe how quickly time goes by! When I look back on my healing journey now, I can see very clearly all the ways I was guided through every part of it. I can also see how important timing truly is.

I Wanted to Run

A few years ago, I wanted nothing more than to run as fast and as far away from where I was living as possible. But if I had left at that point, very little would have changed except the scenery around me. At that time, my nervous system was dysregulated from carrying massive amounts of unprocessed emotions. And those heavy emotions would have travelled with me, using my nervous system as their mode of transportation.

My journey has taught me the way out is never found in anything external…it’s found within us.

And looking within is not always easy because the ego doesn’t want to believe that the things we’ve experienced could have affected us so deeply. It wants to minimize, avoid, rationalize, and survive. But healing requires us to get honest with ourselves in ways that can feel extremely uncomfortable.

“You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”

— Ernest Hemingway

The Wall

After doing a tremendous amount of inner work and progressing on my healing journey, I eventually hit a wall. And that wall was the city I lived in. It felt like being trapped in a fortress of fear.

I had come as far as I possibly could while living there.

We’ve all heard that we cannot heal in the same environment that caused our injury. Leaving my work environment behind was the first step, and it allowed me to begin healing from a lot of the trauma I had been carrying in my nervous system. Along the way, I tried numerous healing modalities. Some were more effective than others, but each one helped me in its own way and supported me on my path.

But that wall was still there, and it was something I couldn’t quite break through no matter what I did.

Acceptance

I accepted the truth that I would never feel safe in that city. I was never going to feel like I could breathe in deeply and relax. My nervous system remained on alert and I knew that would continue as long I stayed there.

And when I finally made the decision to leave, I knew that I had done enough inner work to know I wasn’t running from anything.

I was running towards something. And that something was a feeling of safety, security, and deeper healing. It was something I was being guided towards by a force I could feel but not fully explain.

And when I look back now, I can see all the ways I was being guided every step of the way. That force was my inner wisdom and it knew exactly what I needed long before my mind fully understood it.

That inner wisdom is always there…for all of us. It is always speaking to us, but we have to slow down enough to notice and feel it.

The Guidance

Of course, I felt fear too…a lot of fear.

The idea of moving across the country felt exciting, but it also felt terrifying. I was stepping into the unknown, and I could hear my ego trying to create reasons to stay where I was because the ego craves familiarity, no matter how much suffering comes with it.

But there was something running in the background that wouldn’t allow me to accept the ego’s fear and all the “what if” chatter that came with it.

It was almost like seeing, or sensing two paths. One of those paths was ego and the other was my inner wisdom. And it was like an internal battle between the two, except the ego didn’t seem to fight as hard as it usually did. Or maybe, my inner wisdom just finally had enough and overpowered my ego this time.

And although I did not fully understand it back then, my inner wisdom was making the decisions. It was the one signing the lease, booking the moving truck, purging and packing up my belongings, while the ego stayed in the background trying to convince me this wasn’t really happening, that I wasn’t really going to leave. I now see how I was guided and protected by something much bigger than myself. Something calm, wise, and loving.

And since making the move to where I now live, I completely understand what was happening.

Safety

Our inner wisdom, or higher self, always knows what we need. It knows what is for our highest good, and it knows what it will take for us to heal. And it will lead us there if we allow it to.

Our job is to listen, to allow, to trust, and to follow where it leads us. Because when we do, miracles can happen. That’s exactly how I feel. I feel like a miracle happened in my life. And it happened because I surrendered, trusted the process, and allowed myself to be guided.

In the almost ten months that I’ve been here, my healing has gone deeper than I ever expected. And that’s because my nervous system finally felt enough safety to allow more emotions to surface.

Some surprising things from the past resurfaced once my body relaxed enough and was ready to process them. Releasing emotions I didn’t even realize I had been carrying created a profound shift in my energy and in the way I experience life.

For the first time in many years, I feel safe.

Safe enough to walk outside, even in the dark.

Safe enough to meet new people.

Safe enough to stop and have conversations with strangers.

“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

– Robert Tew

Gratitude

And one of the things I’ve noticed most recently was the speed of my walking.

I have been a fast walker for as long as I can remember, but recently I realized that where I used to live was part of the reason why. I never truly felt safe to be out and about in that city, so I learned to move as quickly as possible. And that also trained my dog to walk quickly beside me.

I realized I’ve been doing that here as well after a couple of people commented on how fast I walk. At first I thought I was walking fast because my dog was.

But when I understood why I was always moving so quickly, I started intentionally slowing down a bit. It wasn’t easy at first and I’m still working on it, but as I’ve allowed myself to slow down, I’ve started experiencing life differently.

And I find myself enjoying nature on a deeper level than I ever have.

The sounds of all the different birds chirping during my early morning walks is like beautiful music that touches my heart. I even find myself stopping just to listen and to soak in the views of the mountains, the lake, and all the beauty around me. And I’ve noticed myself breathing more deeply without even thinking about it. It’s all the seemingly small things that matter the most because they add up and make a difference.

I feel so much gratitude in my heart during these moments, and that gratitude has moved me to tears more than once.

None of this would have been possible if I had stayed where I was.

Knowing the Difference

I had gone as far as I could have on my healing journey. What I eventually understood was that the entire city had become the environment where my injury happened, not just my workplace. And that’s because my work took me into the community, into many different neighbourhoods and over time my nervous system learned that nowhere in that city felt safe.

So yes, sometimes healing does mean moving away and starting over somewhere new. But it’s important to understand the motivation behind that desire.

Are we trying to escape ourselves, hoping a change of scenery will magically change our lives?

Or have we done enough inner work to recognize that our soul genuinely needs a different environment in order to continue healing and growing? To break through that wall to see what’s possible on the other side of survival.

“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”

- Rumi

There is a difference. Sometimes we need to stay and do some inner work first. And sometimes, after doing that work, we may realize we have outgrown the environment we are in.

Leaving doesn’t always mean running from something. Sometimes it means being guided towards something better, more healthy, and more aligned.

I am grateful every single day for the guidance that led me to where I now live, and for the sense of safety my nervous system had been missing for so many years.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel excited about life again. And I cannot wait to see where this journey continues to lead me.

Collective Healing

When we choose to heal from the environments that hurt us, we’re not just healing ourselves. We are also helping to heal the collective. Every time one of us allows ourselves to slow down, to feel, and to choose truth over fear, it lifts the vibration of humanity a little higher.

Our healing becomes a light that may help to guide others who are navigating their way through the darkness. Healing ourselves is one of the greatest gifts we can offer ourselves and the world.

Because when one of us heals, we all rise.

Sharing our stories and experiences can help others to feel less alone in the messiness of life. If you feel called, please share your thoughts in the comments or the chat👇

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As always, I’m so grateful to have you here, walking alongside me on this healing journey. If this post resonated, clicking the little heart below helps others in our Collective find it too. And if you feel called to support my work further, a coffee is always appreciated 🙏💖👇